Don t Point That Thing at Me

First published in the 1970s, this hilarious novel is part Ian Fleming part P G Wodehouse. It is now a major motion picture starring Johnny Depp as Mortdecai, Ewan McGregor as Jock and Gwyneth Paltrow.


Author: Kyril Bonfiglioli

Publisher: Penguin UK

ISBN: 9780241970263

Category: Fiction

Page: 176

View: 471

Don't Point That Thing At Me by Kyril Bonfiglioli - Book 1 of the Mortdecai Trilogy, now a major motion picture starring Johnny Depp Introducing the Hon. Charlie Mortdecai, art dealer, aristocrat and assassin, in the first of the Mortdecai novels Portly art dealer and seasoned epicurean Charlie Mortdecai comes into possesion of a stolen Goya, the disappearance of which is causing a diplomatic ruction between Spain and its allies. Not that that matters to Charlie ... until compromising pictures of some British diplomats also come into his possession and start to muddy the waters. All he's trying to do is make a dishonest living, but various governments, secret organizations and an unbelievably nubile young German don't see it that way and pretty soon he's in great need of his thuggish manservant Jock to keep them all at bay ... and the Goya safe. First published in the 1970s, this hilarious novel is part Ian Fleming part P G Wodehouse. It is now a major motion picture starring Johnny Depp as Mortdecai, Ewan McGregor as Jock and Gwyneth Paltrow. 'A rare mixture of wit and imaginative unpleasantness' Julian Barnes 'You couldn't snuggle under the duvet with anything more disreputable and delightful' Stephen Fry 'The jokes are excellent, but the most horrible things keep happening... Funny and chilling' Sunday Telegraph Kyril Bonfiglioli was born on the south coast of England in 1928 of an English mother and Italo-Slovene father. After studying at Oxford and five years in the army, he took up a career as an art dealer, like his eccentric creation Charlie Mortdecai. He lived in Oxford, Lancashire, Ireland and Jersey, where he died in 1985. He wrote four Charlie Mortdecai novels, and a fifth historical Mortdecai novel (about a distinguished ancestor).

Something Nasty in the Woodshed

Featuring the Honorable Charlie Mortdecai—degenerate aristocrat, amoral art dealer, seasoned epicurean, unwilling assassin, and general knave-about-Piccadilly—Something Nasty In the Woodshed is, chronologically, the third in the ...


Author: Kyril Bonfiglioli

Publisher: Abrams

ISBN: 9781468307887

Category: Fiction

Page: 198

View: 763

Featuring the Honorable Charlie Mortdecai—degenerate aristocrat, amoral art dealer, seasoned epicurean, unwilling assassin, and general knave-about-Piccadilly—Something Nasty In the Woodshed is, chronologically, the third in the Mortdecai trilogy, after Don't Point That Thing at Me and After You With the Pistol, although written second. The players are, once again, Charlie, Johanna, and Jock (the thuggish anti-Jeeves), and there is plenty of liquor, lasciviousness, and filthy lucre to keep the plot turning. As Stephen Fry put it, "You couldn't snuggle under the duvet with anything more disreputable and delightful."

The Big Book of Christmas Mysteries

“Actually, it's a present you gave me,” Stone said. “My best friend—my best girl—
is Sadie. My gun. Kind of a sad commentary, ain't it?” “I don't know what's gotten
into you, Stone... just don't point that thing at me....” “Funny thing is, this isn't ...


Author: Otto Penzler

Publisher: Vintage Crime/Black Lizard

ISBN: 9780345802996

Category: Fiction

Page: 672

View: 672

Have yourself a crooked little Christmas with The Big Book of Christmas Mysteries. Edgar Award-winning editor Otto Penzler collects sixty of his all-time favorite holiday crime stories--many of which are difficult or nearly impossible to find anywhere else. From classic Victorian tales by Arthur Conan Doyle, Robert Louis Stevenson, and Thomas Hardy, to contemporary stories by Sara Paretsky and Ed McBain, this collection touches on all aspects of the holiday season, and all types of mysteries. They are suspenseful, funny, frightening, and poignant. Included are puzzles by Mary Higgins Clark, Isaac Asimov, and Ngaio Marsh; uncanny tales in the tradition of A Christmas Carol by Peter Lovesey and Max Allan Collins; O. Henry-like stories by Stanley Ellin and Joseph Shearing, stories by pulp icons John D. MacDonald and Damon Runyon; comic gems from Donald E. Westlake and John Mortimer; and many, many more. Almost any kind of mystery you’re in the mood for--suspense, pure detection, humor, cozy, private eye, or police procedural—can be found in these pages. FEATURING: - Unscrupulous Santas - Crimes of Christmases Past and Present - Festive felonies - Deadly puddings - Misdemeanors under the mistletoe - Christmas cases for classic characters including Sherlock Holmes, Brother Cadfael, Miss Marple, Hercule Poirot, Ellery Queen, Rumpole of the Bailey, Inspector Morse, Inspector Ghote, A.J. Raffles, and Nero Wolfe.

Outside Mullingar

Don't you dare turn back! ANTHONY. What are you doing? Don't come out!
ROSEMARY. Don't point that thing at me! Come on then. It's too late. I've seen
you now. Come in before I drown. (Hefollows her in.) Scene 7 A steady rain


Author: John Patrick Shanley

Publisher: Dramatists Play Service Inc

ISBN: 9780822231639

Category: Performing Arts

Page: 53

View: 777

Anthony and Rosemary are two introverted misfits straddling 40. Anthony has spent his entire life on a cattle farm in rural Ireland, a state of affairs that—due to his painful shyness—suits him well. Rosemary lives right next door, determined to have him, watching the years slip away. With Anthony’s father threatening to disinherit him and a land feud simmering between their families, Rosemary has every reason to fear romantic catastrophe. But then, in this very Irish story with a surprising depth of poetic passion, these yearning, eccentric souls fight their way towards solid ground and some kind of happiness. Their journey is heartbreaking, funny as hell, and ultimately deeply moving. OUTSIDE MULLINGAR is a compassionate, delightful work about how it’s never too late to take a chance on love.

Merry Christmas Mr Babbers A Short Science Fiction Story 1

“D—Don't point that thing at me...” “Why, it's just an innocent Recycler—there's
nothing to be afraid of,” the salesman explained with a shrug. He put the small
cylinder away with a second, deft movement of his fingers, then waited for Mr.


Author: Marco Guarda

Publisher: Marco Guarda


Category: Fiction

Page: 27

View: 270

Merry Christmas, Mr. Babbers! is a cute Christmas bauble, a little science fiction tale set on Christmas Day of a far future. Our protagonist is a meticulous accountant, Mr. Babbers, who, on the day everybody should rejoice and be happy, has lost something precious. He’s sad and downcast, but he doesn’t know yet he will soon find something... Something amazing that will change his life forever. (Free copy. Freebie.) This short story is also contained in Collected SCI-FI STORIES - Pack 1.

Paris Match

Don't point that thing at me,” Holly replied, “I'm just a visitor here. I'm on vacation,
sort of.” “You started this.” “Nope. We're on your turf, here, Rick. You're new at this
, but you're going to have to learn what a station chief does.” Rick looked at his ...


Author: Stuart Woods

Publisher: Penguin

ISBN: 9780698154117

Category: Fiction

Page: 320

View: 149

Stone Barrington finds himself in a dark place in the City of Light in this international thriller in Stuart Woods’s #1 New York Times bestselling series. When some business arrangements demand his personal attention, Stone Barrington jaunts off to Europe and immediately finds himself embroiled in trouble on both sides of the pond. In Paris, an old enemy is still in hot pursuit, but now he has the aide of a powerful man with his own ax to grind against Stone. And back in the States, the churning rumor mill threatens to derail a project of vital importance to the entire nation. From the bright lights of Paris to the staid paneled boardrooms of Capitol Hill, at risk is not just Stone’s reputation, but his very life...

One Click Buy April 2009 Harlequin Blaze

But don't point that thing at me.” With his gun still on her, he removed a glass
hurricane cover from an old-fashioned kerosene lamp beside the bed, struck a
match and lit it. A thin, watery light spilled from the lamp, washing the walls in soft
gold ...


Author: Julie Miller

Publisher: Harlequin

ISBN: 9781426831980

Category: Fiction

Page: 224

View: 942

One-Click Buy: April 2009 Harlequin Blaze by Julie Miller,Jule McBride,Carrie Hudson,Tawny Weber,Lori Wilde released on Apr 1, 2009 is available now for purchase.

Bad Unicorn

Don't point that thing at me! Just take it!” Ricky took the talisman and slipped it
over his head. The eyes on the skull immediately started to glow. “And the dagger
—give it to me!” The orc hurriedly handed the assassin's dagger to Ricky, who
slid ...


Author: Platte F. Clark

Publisher: Simon and Schuster

ISBN: 9781442450141

Category: Juvenile Fiction

Page: 432

View: 954

In this start to a hilarious middle grade fantasy trilogy, Max Spencer discovers that he could be a powerful wizard—and a killer unicorn is hunting him. It wasn’t Max Spencer’s idea to fight robots, lead an army, or save the world—it just so happens that he’s the only living person who can read the most fantastical book ever written: The Codex of Infinite Knowability. The Codex is no ordinary book, and among other things, it describes a unicorn named Princess the Destroyer. Princess the Destroyer is not an average unicorn. She loves nothing more than hunting down, killing, and eating other creatures. After all, what’s the point of having a sharp horn on your forehead if you don’t use it for destructive purposes? And right now Princess has a very definite purpose: Find Max and retrieve the lost Codex for an evil sorcerer and his mysterious master. If she can do that, she’s been promised an all-the-humans-you-can-eat buffet in Texas. Stuck in another world and with a carnivorous unicorn on his trail, Max must find the courage to save himself, his friends, and, oh yeah…the entire human race.

Uncle Fred in the Springtime

CHAPTER 20 The fruitless pursuit of Loreleis or will-o'-the-wisps through a dark
garden, full of things waiting to leap out and crack him over the shins, can never
be an agreeable experience to a man of ... Don't point that thing at me, sir.


Author: P.G. Wodehouse

Publisher: Random House

ISBN: 9781409064732

Category: Fiction

Page: 288

View: 292

A classic Blandings novel from P.G. Wodehouse, the great comic writer of the 20th century. Blandings is now a BBC One show starring Jennifer Saunders and Timothy Spall. Episode One, series two, 'Throwing Eggs', features scenes from 'Uncle Fred in the Springtime'. Uncle Fred believes he can achieve anything in the springtime. However, disguised as a loony-doctor and trying to prevent prize pig, the Empress of Blandings, from falling into the hands of the unscrupulous Duke of Dunstable, he is stretched to his limit... 'A cavalcade of perfect joy.' - Caitlin Moran 'Sunlit perfection... Bask in its warmth and splendour.' - Stephen Fry 'The best English comic novelist of the century.' - Sebastian Faulks 'The greatest chronicler of a certain kind of Englishness' - Julian Fellowes

Animal 3

“You boys don't fuck around do you?” Animal asked, testing the weight of a
military issued .45. ... “Don't point those fucking things at me,” Animal shoved the
guns out of his face. “Relax, they aren't loaded,” Sonja showed him the empty ...


Author: K'wan

Publisher: Simon and Schuster

ISBN: 9781936399949

Category: Fiction

Page: 240

View: 536

After making a promise to leave the street life behind, a shocking revelation forces Animal back into the game to face his greatest opponent yet. After years of war on the streets the man known only as Animal is finally able to hang up his guns. He's paid his debt to society for the crimes he's committed, and thanks to the sacrifice made by the father he barely knew, old scores have been settled. For the first time in his life he's able to find the peace that had eluded him for so long, and settle down with his wife Gucci and their son T.J. Animal's future is looking bright, that is, until someone from his past resurfaces with a shocking revelation. When Animal's former lover, Red Sonja, shows up on his doorstep with a little girl, claiming Animal is the father, he and Gucci immediately fear it’s a ploy for money. But Red Sonja has come to collect a debt of a different kind, one that can only be paid in blood. A powerful man is hunting Red Sonja and her daughter, Celeste, and she calls on Animal to stop him, permanently. Animal is forced to break the promise he made to his wife upon his release from prison and once again picks up his guns. To keep his daughter and her mother safe, Animal sets out on a mission of murder, but this isn’t just any man Red Sonja has sent him after, it's one of the most powerful drug dealers in the country…her father.

Fugitives of Chaos

How are you going to stop me if you don't risk killing me!” “I make it fated that you
... I'm just a girl with a monster's powers, and I've never done anything wrong, so I
don't want you to shoot me.” Sam came ... Don't point that thing at the girl here.


Author: John C. Wright

Publisher: Macmillan

ISBN: 9781429986274

Category: Fiction

Page: 320

View: 601

Wright's new fantasy, which began with Orphans of Chaos, and continues in Fugitives of Chaos, is a tale about five orphans raised in a strict British boarding school who begin to discover that they may not be human beings. The students at the school do not age, while the world around them does. The orphans have been kidnapped from their true parents, robbed of their powers, and raised in ignorance by super-beings no more human than they are: pagan gods or fairy-queens, Cyclopes, sea-monsters, witches, or things even stranger. The five have made sinister discoveries about themselves. Amelia is apparently a fourth-dimensional being; Victor is a synthetic man who can control the molecular arrangement of matter around him; Vanity can find secret passageways through solid walls where none had previously been; Colin is a psychic; Quentin is a warlock. Each power comes from a different paradigm or view of the inexplicable universe: and they should not be able to co-exist under the same laws of nature. Why is it that they can? The children must experiment with and learn to control their strange abilities in order to escape their captors. Something very important must be at stake in their imprisonment. At the Publisher's request, this title is being sold without Digital Rights Management Software (DRM) applied.

Mai Tai d Up

Why do you think I don't tell you anything?” I asked, slouching on my own stool.
Her eyebrow went up, but I didn't. Point: Chloe. “I'm sure I don't know. Unless
there's some reason you don't want to share things with me? Maybe not so sure
of ...


Author: Alice Clayton

Publisher: Simon and Schuster

ISBN: 9781476766744

Category: Fiction

Page: 272

View: 603

Looking for the perfect mix of smart, sexy, and sassy? Mai Tai’d Up continues New York Times bestselling author Alice Clayton’s Cocktail series, which began with Wallbanger and continued with Rusty Nailed and Screwdrivered. The gossip mill in the seaside community of Monterey is churning about Chloe Patterson, the newcomer who is starting a sanctuary for rescued pit bulls. It’s rumored that she’s a former beauty queen (true) who ditched her fiancé the morning of their wedding (also true). And that while she’s not looking for a new man, the good-looking local veterinarian has his eye on her. Absolutely, positively true. When Lucas Campbell isn’t at the family veterinary clinic, he’s paddle boarding in Monterey Bay. Recently single, he’s definitely not in the market for a new relationship, but he still can’t resist taking a second, third, and fourth look at the recent arrival of Miss Golden State. Neither Lucas nor Chloe has any interest in being tied down. Being tied up, however—now there’s a thought. But are a few Mai Tais, a moonlit night, and the music of Frank Sinatra enough to allow them both to forget their past? Let’s hope Ol’ Blue Eyes knows what he’s doing. Mix one part tiki, one part kinky, and a splash of old black magic matchmaking, and it’s time to be . . . Mai Tai’d Up.

Turning Points

'I was scared to go back into the YMCA 'cause I know I done something wrong,
but Franny phoned me and said there's a new thing called ProjectScotland and I
should come in and hear about it. I was nervous to go in so I didn't turn up the first


Author: Julia Ogilvy

Publisher: Lion Books

ISBN: 9780745958255

Category: Biography & Autobiography

Page: 192

View: 123

When tragedy touched Julia Ogilvy's life, she found herself reassessing the way she lived. Married into a life of privilege - her wedding was attended by the Queen and Princess of Wales - and recently acclaimed Business Woman of the Year, she took the decision to leave her career to found a charity. Her story provides a powerful example of how a successful and glamorous life does not always bring peace - and how her new role gives her the fulfilment she sought. Julia's turning point was the death of baby Cameron, and after telling her story she charts the journeys of others whose lives have been similarly changed, from Prime Minister Gordon Brown and Bob Geldof to a young carer in an impoverished inner city environment. This book will provide inspiration to anyone disillusioned by the empty materialism of society.

What Doesn t Kill Us

Such stories seem to point to the truth of Nietzsche's dictum: 'What doesn't kill me
makes me stronger.'3 But are these merely ... Little things that used to worry me
don't anymore, and I am clearer about what matters. For the first time in my life, ...


Author: Stephen Joseph

Publisher: Hachette UK

ISBN: 9780748119110

Category: Self-Help

Page: 336

View: 510

Research has shown than anywhere from 30 to 90 per cent of people confronted by tragedy, horror and adversity emerge as wiser, more mature and more fulfilled people, sometimes despite great sadness. Relationships become stronger. Perspectives on life change. Inner strengths are found. For the past twenty years, Stephen Joseph has worked with survivors of trauma and sufferers of posttraumatic stress. In this groundbreaking book, he boldly challenges the notion that trauma and its aftermath devastate and destroy the lives. His studies have shown that a wide range of traumatic events - from illness, separation, assault and bereavement to accidents, natural disasters and terrorism - can act as catalysts for positive change, strengthening relationships, changing one's perspective and revealing inner strengths. In What Doesn't Kill Us, Stephen Joseph shares the six steps we can all use to manage our emotions and navigate adversity to find new meaning, purpose and direction in our lives.

Reaching the World in Our Own Backyard

Don't touch a Malaysian's head (not even a child's)—the head is considered holy
and sacred. ' Pointing with the index finger is considered rude. Malaysians often
use the thumb (with fingers folded) to point at things. ' Don't ... Just let me know.


Author: Rajendra Pillai

Publisher: WaterBrook

ISBN: 0307552861

Category: Religion

Page: 272

View: 428

Reaching the World in Our Own Backyard is designed as a guidebook for Christians to better understand and engage people from other countries including immigrants, foreign exchange students, and tourists. By both region and religion, author Rajendra K. Pillai explains cultural considerations and common points of reference to readers eager to share the good news of Jesus Christ with foreign-born individuals. Between 1990 and 2000, Islam, Buddhism, and Hinduism–along with many other religions–grew at a record pace, due heavily to immigration and conversion. During this same period of time the number of people who call themselves Christians dropped by 9 percent. Meanwhile, 98 percent of churches experienced non-growth or declines in attendance. From the Trade Paperback edition.

The Long Goodbye

“I see your point." He smiled sadly. "You don't care for historical romances. But
they sell brutally." “I don't have any point, Mr. Spencer. I looked at one of his
books once. I thought it was tripe. Is that the wrong thing for me to say?" He


Author: Raymond Chandler

Publisher: Vintage Crime/Black Lizard

ISBN: 9781400030200

Category: Fiction

Page: 384

View: 455

Crime fiction master Raymond Chandler's sixth novel featuring Philip Marlowe, the "quintessential urban private eye" (Los Angeles Times). In noir master Raymond Chandler's The Long Goodbye, Philip Marlowe befriends a down on his luck war veteran with the scars to prove it. Then he finds out that Terry Lennox has a very wealthy nymphomaniac wife, whom he divorced and remarried and who ends up dead. And now Lennox is on the lam and the cops and a crazy gangster are after Marlowe.

Point of Retreat

She started crying and told me she hated how she ended things with me. She
said she ... loves me? Maybe, I don't know. I don't care. It doesn't change anything
.” “I don't mean about that. It's obvious she wants to be with you, she said it herself


Author: Colleen Hoover

Publisher: Simon and Schuster

ISBN: 9781471125560

Category: Fiction

Page: 320

View: 971

From the bestselling author of Slammed, comes Colleen Hoover's next big hit. Layken and Will have managed to overcome the obstacles that threatened to destroy their love, proving that they are destined for one another. What they are about to learn, however, is that the things that have brought them together may be the very things that ruin their connection forever… Layken is left second-guessing the relationship whilst Will is jumping over hurdles to prove his love for her. What the young lovers discover about themselves along this journey may change their entire world and the lives of those who depend upon them the most... Praise for Colleen Hoover: 'As brilliant and entertaining as Slammed, Point of Retreatis absolute poetry.' - JAMIE MCGUIRE, New York Times bestselling author of Beautiful Disaster 'I finished reading Slammed at 1am on Sunday... I couldn't wait to start reading Point of Retreatso I bought it right then and there!' - Amazon Review

Phenomenological Aspects of Wittgenstein s Philosophy

What is directly given can only be picked out by logically proper names such as '
this' or 'that'. ... In other words, when something is given in my experience, I point
to the object and say 'this'. ... If I pointed sideways or behind me—as it were, to
things which I don't see—the pointing would in this case be meaningless to me; ...


Author: B.-C. Park

Publisher: Springer

ISBN: 9789401151511

Category: Philosophy

Page: 260

View: 134

In his writings around 1930, Wittgenstein relates his philosophy in different ways to the idea of phenomenology. He indicates that his main philosophical project had earlier been the construction of a purely phenomenological language, and even after having given up this project he believed that "the world we live in is the world of sense-data,,,l that is, of phenomenological objects. However, a problem is posed by the fact that he does not appear ever to have given a full, explicit account of what he means by his 'phenomenology', 'phenomenological language', or 'phenomenological problems'. In this book, I have tried to unravel the nature of Wittgenstein's phenomenology and to examine its importance for his entire work in philosophy. Phenomenology can be characterized as philosophy whose primary concern is what is immediately given in one's experience. This 'immediately given' is not merely impressions inside one's mind, but includes also the part of objective reality that impinges upon one's consciousness. Thus, an aim of phenomenological enterprise is to grasp this objective reality by attending to immediate experience. Husserl's phenomenology is in fact a case in point.

A List of Things That Didn t Kill Me

The law at the time said that if a rape victim—a woman—didn't fight back “to the
utmost,” she was assumed to have consented. That legal ... It didn't take very long
for things to escalate to the point where he had to move out on his own.


Author: Jason Schmidt

Publisher: Farrar, Straus and Giroux (BYR)

ISBN: 9780374380144

Category: Young Adult Nonfiction

Page: 432

View: 713

Jason Schmidt wasn't surprised when he came home one day during his junior year of high school and found his father, Mark, crawling around in a giant pool of blood. Things like that had been happening a lot since Mark had been diagnosed with HIV, three years earlier. Jason's life with Mark was full of secrets—about drugs, crime, and sex. If the straights—people with normal lives—ever found out any of those secrets, the police would come. Jason's home would be torn apart. So the rule, since Jason had been in preschool, was never to tell the straights anything. A List of Things That Didn't Kill Me is a funny, disturbing memoir full of brutal insights and unexpected wit that explores the question: How do you find your moral center in a world that doesn't seem to have one?

All in the Game Part Two

Don't touch. Just keep your damned hands where I can see em!” Jermiah
growled, having already pulled his pistol from the waistband ... Don't point that
thing at anybody! ... “Okay, but they're with me,” he nodded towards Jermiah and


Author: Julius X

Publisher: Xlibris Corporation

ISBN: 9781465310170

Category: Fiction

Page: 290

View: 168

Hotlanta is on fire as a war between the mighty COALITION, led by KING Don Juan Jermarco Hicks goes head to head with the TRUE TO IT POSSE boyz and the MACK, T-MIKE HOLMES! The BIG DOG vice squad takes a nasty bite out of crime by robbing the dope boys and killing their competition; while Cartel drug lord Chacon makes a daring escape from a Federal lock down facility! 120 million dollars is in the pot, and two tons of raw cocaine are on the move in a race to Mexico and back via the Louisiana Bayou. The hustlers are heartless; the streets are grimey and the cops are out for revenge!!! Play it hard! Or die even harder! Its ALL IN THE GAME!