Seriously I m Kidding

"I've experienced a whole lot the last few years and I have a lot to share. So I hope that you'll take a moment to sit back, relax and enjoy the words I've put together for you in this book.

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Author: Ellen DeGeneres

Publisher: Hachette UK

ISBN: 9780446585033

Category: Humor

Page: 256

View: 912

Ellen DeGeneres's winning, upbeat candor has made her show one of the most popular, resilient, and honored daytime shows on the air, and her life makes for great (and very funny) reading. Relatable, her first stand-up special in 15 years, aired on Netflix in 2018. "I've experienced a whole lot the last few years and I have a lot to share. So I hope that you'll take a moment to sit back, relax and enjoy the words I've put together for you in this book. I think you'll find I've left no stone unturned, no door unopened, no window unbroken, no rug unvacuumed, no ivories untickled. What I'm saying is, let us begin, shall we?" Seriously... I'm Kidding is a lively, hilarious, and often sweetly poignant look at the life of the much-loved entertainer as she opens up about her personal life, her talk show, and more. PRAISE FOR Seriously... I'm Kidding "DeGeneres's amiably oddball riffs on everything from kale to catwalks to Jesus will make fans smile." -- People "Whatever the topic, DeGeneres's compulsively readable style will appeal to fans old and new." - Publishers Weekly "Fans will not be disappointed...[DeGeneres's] trademark wit and openness shine through and through." -- Kirkus

Say You Still Love Me

“I'm kidding.” He reaches out to squeeze my thigh. “Seriously, I'm kidding.” I give
his side a gentle elbow, but groan with relief. “So then, what's he in for?” “Let's
see.” He takes a long puff of his cigarette. “He stole a bunch of equipment from
the ...

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Author: K.A. Tucker

Publisher: Atria Books

ISBN: 9781501133442

Category: Fiction

Page: 384

View: 898

INTERNATIONAL BESTSELLER The bestselling author of The Simple Wild and Keep Her Safe and “master of steamy romance” (Kirkus Reviews) delivers a sizzling novel about an ambitious and high-powered executive who reconnects with her first love: the boy who broke her heart. Life is a mixed bag for Piper Calloway. On the one hand, she’s a twenty-nine-year-old VP at her dad’s multibillion-dollar real estate development firm, and living the high single life with her two best friends in a swanky downtown penthouse. On the other hand, she’s considered a pair of sexy legs in a male-dominated world and constantly has to prove her worth. Plus she’s stuck seeing her narcissistic ex-fiancé—a fellow VP—on the other side of her glass office wall every day. Things get exponentially more complicated for Piper when she runs into Kyle Miller—the handsome new security guard at Calloway Group, and coincidentally the first love of her life. The guy she hasn’t seen or heard from since they were summer camp counselors together. The guy from the wrong side of the tracks. The guy who apparently doesn’t even remember her name. Piper may be a high-powered businesswoman now, but she soon realizes that her schoolgirl crush is still alive and strong, and crippling her concentration. What’s more, despite Kyle’s distant attitude, she’s convinced their reunion isn’t at all coincidental, and that his feelings for her still run deep. And she’s determined to make him admit to them, no matter the consequences.

Home

Full of beautiful photographs, this book is a treasure trove of amazing California architecture, unique home furnishings, breathtaking art, and hundreds of ideas on putting together the home you've always dreamed of.

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Author: Ellen DeGeneres

Publisher: Hachette UK

ISBN: 9781455533558

Category: House & Home

Page: 256

View: 723

Ellen DeGeneres has bought and renovated nearly a dozen homes over the last twenty-five years, and describes her real-estate and decorating adventures as "an education." She has long cared deeply about design: "I think I wanted to be an interior designer when I was thirteen." This deluxe edition of Home is printed on extremely high quality paper, printed on a sheet-fed press, and bound in a real cloth covered case with a tipped in photo of Ellen DeGeneres' living room featuring her Picasso. In Home, DeGeneres will, for the first time, share her passion for home design and style. She believes, "You don't have to have money to have good taste," and she is eager to share what she has learned over the years. DeGeneres offers a personal look at every room in each of her homes. Included are seven of her homes past and present, from the famous "Brody House" up to her current homes, and she offers tips and advice on what each house taught her. An added bonus is a look at the homes of her friends and collaborators-some of the finest designers in the country. They share their advice on home design, furnishings, as well as a glimpse at their awe-inspiring rooms. Full of beautiful photographs, this book is a treasure trove of amazing California architecture, unique home furnishings, breathtaking art, and hundreds of ideas on putting together the home you've always dreamed of.

Rush

I'm kidding, Alec.” Logan stands. “Seriously. I'm giving you shit more than
anything. Ormaybe I'm alittle horny too, but I don't want youto thinkI'm sitting here
pining for you,okay? Iwould have said that to any guyI wanted. Damn you're
conceited ...

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Author: Nyrae Dawn

Publisher: Hachette UK

ISBN: 9781472219633

Category: Fiction

Page: 384

View: 556

This heartbreaking, powerful New Adult male/male romance will be loved by fans of Jamie McGuire, Jessica Sorensen and Abbi Glines, as well as by all fans of Nyrae Dawn's The Games trilogy... What if you fell in love with your best friend? But no one could ever know... Brandon Chase has always defined himself by one thing: football. He's the star of the team, an idol to his teammates and surrounded by the hottest girls. But Brandon has a secret - how he really feels about his friend Alec Andrews. Rather than confront the truth, Brandon pushes Alec away. But when Brandon is seriously injured in a car crash, the only person who can get through to him is Alec. Against all odds, Alec helps Brandon train his way back to fitness and prepare for the NFL draft. As they spend the summer together, the two can't deny their attraction - the rush they feel when they're together is impossible to deny and neither wants to walk away. Will Brandon be brave enough to face the consequences of following his heart? No matter what the cost?

Weekly Compilation of Presidential Documents

... and off the field . We are deeply tackles in my whole 4 years . ( Laughter ] I'm
kidding . I'm sure it was at least 16. ( Laughappreciative . ter ] May I take this
opportunity , please , sir , to wish you the very best during your last year Seriously
, I'd ...

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Author:

Publisher:

ISBN: OSU:32435024423840

Category: United States

Page:

View: 704

Double Dealing III The Pun

Chuck Closson. CHAPTeR 3 octo Mom: “seriously, I'm Kidding” 1. 2. 10. 11. 12.
13. 14. 15. 16. 17. CHAPTER 3 Octo Mom: “Seriously, I'm Kidding

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Author: Chuck Closson

Publisher: Xlibris Corporation

ISBN: 9781483632827

Category: Humor

Page: 246

View: 950

The Pun is Older than Punctuation The start and use of punctuation occurred around 1500 AD. Prior to this no commas, periods, quotation marks, etc., were used in writing. What one doesn't have, one learns to do without. Books then were rare, no printing presses. Somewhere in those early years someone decided interpretative marks were needed to enhance writing. Yet puns were employed much earlier. In the New Testament, Matthew 16:18, Jesus is quoted as having said, "You are Peter, on this rock, I will build my Church". The word Peter in that ancient language translates as "rock. In effect a pun. Another early pun the headless horseman wore an unusual necklace. A young St. Augustine prayed, "Lord, make me pure, but not yet". Someone punned him as being a "roaming Catholic". Puns are inferential; they twist together meanings and entwine connections to enhance incongruity. No ifs, ands, or butts. Just a few months ago the White House and Congress faced the Fiscal Cliff. After weeks of back and forth wrangling only a few hours remained before going over the cliff to higher taxes. Expressing her disfavor toward a do nothing Congress, House Minority Leader Nancy Pelosi said, punningly, "Congress, it's all about time, it's about time!"

Res Gestae

Oh , and I'm cool . dent Senate are Wed. , March 30 My name is Brad Wilson and
I'm run- Seriously , I'm kidding . But seriously , vote outside of room 100 HH . Here
are ning for President . I've enjoyed being a for me . statements candidates ...

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Author:

Publisher:

ISBN: UOM:35112203554318

Category:

Page:

View: 544

The Real Deal

I'm not trying to kill you, baby; just showing you how much power my ride has,”
replied Carlos. “You didn't ... “Watch your mouth, boy,” she said “I'm kidding. But
seriously, I'm gonna show you guys the ropes and get you paid.” “I don't know ...

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Author: Kofi Quaye

Publisher: Xlibris Corporation

ISBN: 9781465330437

Category: Fiction

Page: 93

View: 121

What happens when a hardcore American thug and hustler meets a young African wannabe gangsta in New York? Culture shock for the African when he finds out the real deal in the thug life, in the hood, in the mean streets of America, that wearing the wrong colors can get you killed, that being at the wrong place at the wrong time can be a fatal mistake. Culture shock for the American gangsta when the African pulls his girl, because she finds him real and grounded among other things. Together, the unlikely pair go up against the big boys and end up with more problems than they bargained for.

I Heart My Little A Holes

I'm gonna scream as loud as humanly possible until they stop!” 8. Car seats I
mean, WTF is it with everyone getting these things?! Nahhhh, just kidding.
Seriously, I'm kidding. Awww, shit, how many people just read this and stopped
reading ...

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Author: Karen Alpert

Publisher: Harper Collins

ISBN: 9780062341617

Category: Humor

Page: 304

View: 899

Following the success of Go the F**k to Sleep, Confessions of a Scary Mommy, and Ketchup Is a Vegetable, a collection of funny, warm, and charmingly profane tales from the frontlines of parenthood by the author of the popular Baby Sideburns blog. Once upon a time you and your partner had a perfect life: dinners out, weekend mornings cuddling in bed, brunch with friends. Then you gave birth to a poop machine (or two). Now, it's all about the pediatrician, breast pumps, princess dresses, and minivans. And discovering that your pride and joy is actually a little A-hole. When your son wakes you up at 3:00 A.M. because he wants to watch Caillou, he's an a-hole. When your daughter outlines every corner of your living room with a purple crayon, she's an a-hole. When your rug rats purposely paint the kitchen ceiling with their smoothies, they're a-holes. At times like these, it's only natural to want to kill them (or yourself). But it's against the law (and there's the suicide hotline). Plus, there's that whole loving them more than anything in the whole world thing. In I Heart My Little A-Holes, Karen Alpert shares hilarious stories, lists, and deep thoughts on the joys and horrors of raising children. Accompanied by cheery illustrations and photos I Heart My Little A-Holes will make you laugh so hard you'll wish you were wearing a diaper.

Jokelopedia

efore Ellen DeGeneres got her own daytime talk show, she did stand-up and
published a third book, Seriously. . . I'm Kidding (2011). comedy, beginning her
career at a DeGeneres soon returned to what she club close to home, in New ...

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Author: Eva Blank

Publisher: Workman Publishing

ISBN: 9780761176848

Category: Juvenile Nonfiction

Page: 288

View: 673

It’s the mother of all kids’ joke books—an all-encompassing, gut-busting, and bestselling collection of more than 1,700 jokes, tongue-twisters, riddles, and puns for all occasions. Here are 61 elephant jokes, including: What did the elephant say when he walked into the post office? / Ouch! Dozens of knock-knock jokes, like: Knock-knock. / Who’s there? / Doris. / Doris who? / Doris locked. That’s why I knocked! Plus teacher jokes and creature jokes, doctor jokes and robber jokes, food jokes, gross jokes, why-did-the-chicken-cross-the-road jokes, and name-game jokes: What do you call a man in a tiger’s cage? / Claude. And for all aspiring comedians, there are joke-telling pointers and tips, funny facts, and spotlights on comic TV shows, books, and actors, from Steve Carell to Tina Fey to SpongeBob Squarepants. It’s the ultimate gift for the incurable jokester.

Dangerous Mercy

“Colette, honey, I'm going to have to stand you up again.” “Okay. So I'll get new
luggage to go with that trip to Colorado. It could be worse.” “Seriously, I'm really
sorry. We're bringing back ... “Of course I'm kidding. I'm so excited about the trip to
 ...

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Author: Kathy Herman

Publisher: David C Cook

ISBN: 143470470X

Category: Fiction

Page: 416

View: 542

This intense psychological thriller is the second book in the Secrets of Roux River Bayou series from best-selling author Kathy Herman.

Art and Artists

But I'm taking it just as seriously . I think . Unless I'm kidding myself somewhere
along the line . And that's why I asked ... I've had that shoved at me a lot too . But I
really do dismiss it on every sort of ground . I think it's a very ill thought out ...

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Author:

Publisher:

ISBN: STANFORD:36105026917745

Category: Art

Page:

View: 520

Nothing But the Best

That was what I was talking about in the car , " Jennifer said seriously . " I'm
kidding . I love the old house , but who wouldn't enjoy taking a break and living
like one of the chosen few , " Jill told her . " I'm not going to go home and become
 ...

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Author: Diane Masters

Publisher:

ISBN: PSU:083148002518

Category:

Page:

View: 458

The Traveler s Guide to the Information Highway

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Author: Dylan Tweney

Publisher: Ziff-Davis Press

ISBN: 1562762060

Category: Computers

Page: 139

View: 995

The ultimate guide to the vast world of online information services. It's organized like an actual travel guide, with a four-color map of each service, and detailed descriptions with frank evaluations of the features to be found within each service. With a comprehensive subject index, this guide is invaluable for quickly locating the best source for a wide variety of information.

Proceedings of The Constitutional Convention

STITU THC THANN I'm going to stop until I see if there's something in there . It
was a very light package ... It didn't tick , and now I'm not sure there's anything in it
at all ! Secretary - Treasurer ... 153 Seriously , I'm kidding , naturally . But I do.

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Author: AFL-CIO. Industrial Union Dept

Publisher:

ISBN: CORNELL:31924054338516

Category: Labor unions

Page:

View: 154

Blue Moon

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Author: John Leslie

Publisher:

ISBN: 1416501711

Category: Key West (Fla.)

Page: 244

View: 712

At the request of an old flame, PI Gideon Lowry does a background check on the woman's fiance and discovers fatal accidents follow him around. The lady is a Key West restaurateur whom Lowry romanced 15 years earlier.

Burn for Burn

“Am not!” I squeal, louder than I mean to, and I cup my hand over my mouth. “I'm
only kidding,” Kat says. “But seriously. We're scary good at this.” “Better than
good,” Lillia corrects, and pulls her lollipop out. The inside of her mouth is a deep
 ...

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Author: Jenny Han

Publisher: Simon and Schuster

ISBN: 9781471116896

Category: Juvenile Fiction

Page: 368

View: 810

Critically acclaimed authors Jenny Han - whose New York Times bestseller To All The Boys I've Loved Before inspired the hit NETFLIX movie - andSiobhan Vivan team up in this brand new trilogy. Perfect for fans of Pretty Little Liars and Big Little Lies. Postcard perfect Jar Island is home to charming tourist shops, pristine beaches, amazing ocean front homes and three girls quietly plotting revenge. Kat is tired of having people lie to her. One more cruel word from her ex best friend or her secret hook up acting like she doesn't exist will be the last straw. Those two deserve to feel as awful as they've made her feel. But if she tried anything, everyone would suspect her immediately… Lillia is ready to stop pretending her senior year is going to be so great. After what her best friend Rennie got her into this past summer and the way her guy friends are looking at her little sister, she is starting to feel like these "friends" are nothing but the entitled brats she has always denied they were. Mary has just gotten back to Jar Island after a traumatic event several years ago that still haunts her. She is determined to put it behind her, but when she sees Reeve, she is certain that will only happen when he feels the same pain that his actions caused her. But she can't get revenge alone… Maybe someone should show them there are consequences to bad behaviour.

So Not Me

A small frown crossed her lips, and he wondered if maybe she thought he was
actually taking her seriously. "I'm kidding," he said. "Actually, there's a party at this
girl from school's house tomorrow night. I'm going with some friends, and I ...

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Author: Francine Pascal

Publisher: Sweet Valley

ISBN: 0553493388

Category: Juvenile Fiction

Page: 176

View: 899

Jade is too busy exploring freedom and excitement to hook up with a boyfriend. Besides, she's not about to let herself get hurt. Now she's blown it by falling hard for Jeremy.

Not Otherwise Specified

I say, “I've just attached all this cosmic significance to getting to New York, and
whenever I'm here, I feel like that's so cliché and stupid, but ... Bu then Mason
says, “I have a motorcycle,” and yeah, maybe I wasn't kidding that much, or
maybe it's just that he's really damn cute ... dinner and that I have this feeling that
I can get on this bike and go anywhere and that he will want to go too. “Shut up.” “
Seriously.

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Author: Hannah Moskowitz

Publisher: Simon and Schuster

ISBN: 9781481405980

Category: Young Adult Fiction

Page: 304

View: 627

From the award-winning author of Break and Teeth comes a raw and honest exploration of complicated identities in a novel about a girl living on the fringe of every fringe group in her small town. Etta is tired of dealing with all of the labels and categories that seem so important to everyone else in her small Nebraska hometown. Everywhere she turns, someone feels she’s too fringe for the fringe. Not gay enough for the Dykes, her ex-clique, thanks to a recent relationship with a boy; not tiny and white enough for ballet, her first passion; not sick enough to look anorexic (partially thanks to recovery). Etta doesn’t fit anywhere—until she meets Bianca, the straight, white, Christian, and seriously sick girl in Etta’s therapy group. Both girls are auditioning for Brentwood, a prestigious New York theater academy that is so not Nebraska. Bianca might be Etta’s salvation…but can Etta be saved by a girl who needs saving herself?

The Boy Next Door

Seriously. I'm not kidding—he's an actual Boy Scout who's been working on this
big Eagle Scout project in whatever spare time he has, which isn't much. But on a
daily basis, he seems to go around earning merit badges in Helpfulness and ...

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Author: Katie Van Ark

Publisher: Macmillan

ISBN: 9781250061782

Category: Young Adult Fiction

Page: 368

View: 699

Maddy Spier's been in love with the boy next door forever. As his figure skating partner she spends time in his arms every day. But she's also seen his arms around other girls—lots of other girls. How can she make him realize that they can be partners off the ice as well? Gabe's relationship with Maddy is vital. He can't imagine skating with anyone else, and together they have a real chance at gold–maybe even making it to the Olympics! So he's decided to think of her as a sister. After all, family is forever, but he's never dated anyone for more than two weeks. Then their coach assigns a new romantic skating program, and everything changes. Will this be the big break that Maddy's been hoping for or the big break-up that Gabe has always feared?